Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
