Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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