my mouth tastes like poor choices
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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