Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
