my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
