I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
