I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
