Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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