Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
