New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Randomize
