is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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