I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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