did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
