covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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