Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
