We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
