Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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