I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
