Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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