there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
