I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
