Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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