then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
