The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
