After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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