SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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