Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
