You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So much rum. So many feels.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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