still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
