dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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