your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
