I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
