Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
