I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
