note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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