He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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