1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
