Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
