How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
