It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she peed on how many people?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
