how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
