how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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