we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
