I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
