You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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