Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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