it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
