we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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