So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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