Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
