you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
