There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
